Humility is not the absence of Confidence
A misconception that often arises when we talk about humility is that we need to put aside our ego or confidence in order to be humble.
Yes, this is true to a degree. You can’t be humble or show humility when your ego (as a sense of self-importance) drives or overshadows your behaviour.
However, a strong sense of self (vs self-importance) enables confidence, which then allows you to step back, be vulnerable, not know everything, and seek to support and enable those with whom you work.
A strong sense of self comes from knowing who you are, what you stand for, your values, and what behaviour you are willing to call out. It also allows you to recognise that you are one of many (regardless of role), bringing your unique skills and qualities that ultimately contribute to something bigger than you.
You‘re confident in the value you can bring AND you know it’s not just about you.
5 ways to balance humility and confidence
Anyone can learn to balance humility and confidence in their role. It’s even more important as a leader.
Regardless of your role level, here are some actions you can take that will help:
1. Be open to learning something new from everyone (regardless of role level) and learning something from each project or task.
- This is humility (“I don’t know everything”) ..
- ..and confidence (being open about what you don’t know and knowing you can always improve).
2. Check your assumptions, which means being aware of your assumptions in the first place. We all have unconscious bias and look for confirming evidence of our beliefs – make sure you consciously check yours.
- This is humility (“maybe my assumptions are not correct”)..
- ..and confidence (openly expressing what you think, with the potential that it may be shown to be incorrect).
3. Regularly ask your team (or those with whom you work) what you could do more or less of to enable them to do their job more effectively.
- This is humility (service to others)..
- ..and confidence (being open that you may need to change your behaviour).
4. Treat everyone else as another human being, equal to yourself, regardless of role level.
People in different roles are just doing different jobs. How time-poor you are or how ‘important’ your tasks are do not make you a more important human being. Be genuine and be kind.
- This is humility (“my role does not make me more important than you”)..
- ..and confidence (being kind to others does not make you ‘weak’).
5. Be present and curious. If not, you are just wasting time and you may as well go and focus on the thing that’s distracting you.
A past CEO of the Marriott chain, Arne Sorenson, once said that if he’s not present in the moment and curious about the person in front of him and what they are bringing, then he’s wasting both his and the other person’s time.
- This is humility (“I am here to listen” and “my role is just one of the many in this company”)..
- ..and confidence (“I know that I can use my role to assist you to do your best job”).
