… and two ways to build it up

We all think we’re self-aware.  After all, we know ourselves better than we know anyone else and therefore we (comparatively) assume that we have high self-awareness.

Alas, this may not be the case.

As mentioned last week, research found that only 10-15% of 5,000 study participants met the criteria of being self-aware, so perhaps we all have more blind spots than we think we do!

This same study also identified two other key findings:

  1. Experience and power can hinder self-awareness, and
  2. Introspection does not always improve self-awareness.

Experience and power can hinder self-awareness

We often think that we gain self-awareness through experience, but our experience may also be a hindrance.

Our experience can stop us from:

  • Doing our homework,
  • Being alert to false information,
  • Searching for disconfirming evidence, and
  • Questioning our assumptions.

In essence, we think that our experience means that we now  know it all   well enough to not question too much.

In addition, our experience can falsely bolster our confidence in our knowledge and skills, and in how we self-assess our leadership effectiveness.

This was particularly the case for leaders who held higher levels of power (relative to lower-level leaders).

This over-valuation of competencies (including in empathy, trustworthiness, performance and emotional self-awareness) might be due to:

  • Fewer people providing frank and honest feedback to those with higher power or in roles at higher organisational levels, or
  • A decreasing willingness for those with power to listen to others (reference the point above about thinking we know it all well enough, or knowing that the feedback may have a cost).

Introspection does not always improve self-awareness

Another assumption we can make is that those who reflect often (on their thoughts, feelings and behaviours) will have better self-awareness.  This is not necessarily true.

The effectiveness of self-reflection and introspection seems to depend on the question that we ask ourselves.

Apparently, one of the most common introspection questions is “Why?”.
For example:  “Why do I get so upset about X?”;  “Why couldn’t I manage that situation better?”

However, the answers for these are often outside our conscious awareness.  Our brains like certainty, so we dig around trying to find (or make up) answers that feel true.  Unfortunately, it’s likely that we are overly influenced by our filters or unconsciously seek confirming evidence for a deep-seated (and possibly invisible) belief.

In addition, because there’s usually no satisfying answer for the “Why?” question, then introspection may lead to rumination…

… and going round and round in circles with no resolution.

Some possible actions

So what can we do to get past these limitations and improve our self-awareness?

First, actively seek feedback.

  • Ask frequently for critical feedback from your boss, peers, employees, etc.
  • If this sounds too confronting, start by seeking feedback from “loving critics” — those who you know will be truthful and have your best interests in mind.  Explain what you are doing and what you would like from them.
  • If you receive confronting or surprising feedback, check it with others (who will be honest) or sit with it until your initial emotional reaction subsides and you can look at the information more objectively.

When you do seek feedback:

  • Acknowledge the feedback, e.g., say thank you (it can be difficult for the other person to provide)
  • Hold your initial defensive thoughts..
  • Instead, be open and curious – ask questions to better understand the perception
  • Remember that it’s just ‘one piece of information’ that you have available to help you build up a more holistic picture of yourself.

Secondly, replace “Why?” with “What?”.

The research found that highly self-aware people asked themselves “What?” questions, rather than “Why?” questions.

Instead of trying to find a ‘meaning’ answer, “What?” questions help us to remain objective, behaviour-oriented and focused on next steps.


Here are two examples from the article:

  • Instead of “Why do I feel so terrible in this job?”
    Ask: “What are the situations when I do feel terrible and what do they have in common?”
  • Instead of “Why couldn’t I manage that situation?”
    Ask: “What do I need to do to move forward in a way that does A and B?”

“Self-awareness is the ability to take an honest look at your life without any attachment to it being right or wrong, good or bad.”

Debbie Ford